It has been such a long time since I wrote in a way that made me feel like I was in sync with my spirit. Today is no different, I feel a bit off balance. Maybe it is because the baby woke up extra early, and despite my best efforts, I could not resist the temptation to have a bowl (or two) of the sugary cereal I told myself not to eat. So today I am tired and judging myself. Maybe I feel off balance because there are dirty bottles in the sink, my hair is a mess, and there is laundry to be done. Always laundry. My mind races with a rotating list of mundane tasks that I should be doing, should be completing, should already be done. And with all of this energy spent towards being an adult, there is little space to spend on the things that truly light up my soul. I question whether I have filled my bucket with obligations and responsibilities, so that I would feel less guilt about neglecting the simple things that bring me great joy and bursts of pleasure.
It all happens so quickly, that you can begin to forget what the unique light in you even looked like. So despite all the trivial things that are not perfect right now, I know that God is. He is perfect. He is my light house. He is my firm ground. He is a clean sink, a sleeping baby, and folded laundry, all rolled up into one. He nudges me to keep going. To fan the flames of my little light so that it may be a small beam to someone else on their journey. I just have to take the first step.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NRSV) For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.